Staring Up at the Stars That Aren't There Anymore

Well…I’m home now. I’ve actually been back for over a week, but my computer’s been having issues.
I’ve actually had a lot of time to think about all that I’ve experienced these past two months, so maybe this blog will be more focused…but then again, maybe not.

Let’s see, since being home I have really found an appreciation for all of the crazy things in Guatemala that had become part of daily life. No longer does driving somewhere look like 15 girls in the back of a creepy looking white van, or does the traffic have no apparent rules whatsoever. My shower has hot water, I can flush toilet paper, and use tap water to brush my teeth. There’s this weird new thing called “AC”, which I’m still not sure if I’m used to. Milk is from a cow, and even better, cold. The sun stays up in the sky way past 7...I don’t even know what to do with so much daytime. Boys no longer bark or hiss at me anymore, and in fact, since starting to care about my appearance again, they seem a lot less interested….being pale skinned and blue eyed is no longer extraordinary. Brooms are only used for sweeping, not for every cleaning need you could think, such as cleaning showers or scrubbing cars. People actually expect you to be places at the time that you tell them. And one of my greatest losses…There are no longer tiendas across the street to support my Coke and sweet roll addictions.

I have so many memories from Guatemala that I will never forget. There are so many church services and school programs, house visits, and nursing home visits, full of so much singing and craziness, as things never worked out exactly as we planned. I got to do so many things I never would have imagined, like praying with complete strangers who spoke a language different than my own, walking through garbage to speak to people working in trash, entering bars to pray with prostitutes, and listening to peoples’ hurts as they sat outside of a hospital, waiting. My eyes were opened in new ways to suffering. I’ve seen orphans nearly forgotten by the rest of the world. I’ve seen the desperation of people who depend on digging through garbage to make a small income. I’ve looked into the eyes of mothers’ with sick children who don’t know how they are going to afford the cost of treatment for their child. I’ve held their hands and embraced women stuck in bars with no hope of getting out.

I’m honestly not completely sure what this all means as I go back to “life” at home again. My view of the world and my part in it has definitely been shaken. What has God called me to do? What does He call all of us to do? The one thing I’m sure of is that there’s no way I can forget or ignore this experience. I can no longer claim ignorance, seeing what I was allowed to see. There is so much hurt, so much pain and suffering, that is going on, all around us, even here in our own neighborhoods. How can we help? How can we spread God’s truth, His light, His love, and His Gospel? What does it look like to work for His kingdom, everyday? What is in our way? What are we holding on to that we need to let go of? Is it our possessions, our time, our money, or just plain old pride? I strongly desire to see the church, the body of Christ throw aside all of these hindrances and it’s divisions within itself, so we can all run the race together, building each other up. To see us following Christ’s commands and telling the nations of His glory. Let us not be afraid of suffering for His name, or trusting Him with our lives.

It’s definitely possible. One of the hardest reasons for me to leave Puerto Barrios was my new “family” there. I genuinely love the people God placed in our lives there with all my heart. God is bigger than language and culture differences. Getting to encourage them (and being so encouraged by them, as well) was probably one of the greatest highlights of my time there. Seeing how the love of God bonded us together, and how we have brothers and sisters who live lives so different from our own, but yet still cling to the same truths that we do, is so beautiful to me.

Puerto Barrios stole my heart, that’s for sure, but I’m so excited to move on to this next season in life as well. I’m ready to go back to school and see all what God has in store for me this year. I feel blessed that God has given me the responsibility of telling the stories of the people I’ve met and the things I’ve seen to others. I’m not always very good at trusting Him or surrendering to Him, so that’s something I definitely want to work on. I also want to continue to seek out gaining more of His holy compassion and selfless love. I’ve been so blessed by so many people and encouraged in so many ways by the body of Christ here in the States. If you have even taken the time to read my rambling blogs, you have given me more than I could have asked of you. I hope that in these next months I can somehow find ways to also encourage you in any ways that you need. So on this I will end with this… God bless and Dios te bendiga.