Overcome With Unrealized Delight

“I’m going to delight you this year.”

Sweet! I’ll take that. Thank You.

While walking around an outdoor prayer labyrinth this past August, before school started, I was overwhelmed by the feeling of God telling me…”I’m going to delight you this year.”

I've never audibly heard the voice of God, but this was a pretty strong feeling, and it’s stuck with me ever since. It’s kind of been my reoccurring “theme” this semester.

Delight yourself in God.

Delight.

I’m sure it’s just me, but for some reason that has been a hard concept for me to grasp. I’m a joy kind of person. I see the glass half full even when I shouldn't.  My favorite feeling in the world is laughing until my happiness pours in the form of tears out of my eyes. That’s delight, right?

You know, that feeling, where someone or something makes you incandescently happy? Like…where you just want to hug someone or dance for joy or laugh on the floor…or all of those things at once? That’s kind of the feeling I link with delight.

So I got this “feeling,” and it made me really excited for the semester ahead. God is going to do some great stuff this semester. Last semester was…really rough, and He’s going to make it up to me! I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I cannot wait for all of this happy that’s going to be filling up my heart! Bring it on, Jesus!

Well, the semester started, and the joy of being with my friends again and life returning to normal was wonderful…but a little bit anticlimactic.  Things were SO normal. Life got stressful. Homework happened. I got bored. I couldn’t stop looking towards the future. Surely, if I just got over this hill, I would be in, I don’t know, some field of daisies, dancing like a fool to Ho Hey…or something.

Throughout all of this, I was haunted by the whispers…”I’m going to delight you, Jessica. I am.”

What? What are You waiting for then?

I didn't get it. I half-heartedly kept trying to get that feeling of pure and absolute joy, and I succeeded several times…but I couldn't keep it for very long. By the end of the semester, I, for the most part, had completely pushed this whole idea aside.

Until a few nights ago.

My was reminded of my frustration, and because of that, I went through every time the Bible uses the word “delight.” It appears around 110 times, if you’re wondering. I made two lists…examples of God being delighted in something and humans being delighted in something. I realized that people can be delighted by bad things. And that God’s list was a heck of a lot more impressive. But that still didn't give me much of an answer.

So I looked up some translations of the Hebrew word used for “delight.” After looking at a lot of different places, I found the two most “official” looking definitions of the different Hebrew words used. On word, hepes, means “to bend towards, to be inclined towards [a person or object].” The other word, rasa, means “to delight, to take pleasure in.” One source also added the word “desire.”

Then, things clicked.

“To be inclined towards.” Leaning in towards someone or something because you can’t stay away. Being consumed with something to the point where you are physically moving in closer. To desire it. And from that intense desire, comes the delight, the pleasure. Maybe this results in the kind of joy that makes you squeal, but…maybe not always.

Maybe God was delighting me and I didn't even realize it.

I have been learning the extreme value of coming to know God and His character.

He has been drawing me in, making me lean closer.

Through so many little things, He has been showing more of who He is.

He keeps reminding me of where I have been, what He has done, and what He promises to keep doing

.

He keeps giving me new things to wrestle with in my mind, all the while, giving me a greater and greater desire for truth. For Him.

He overwhelms me with His faithfulness, with His goodness, with His compassion, and with His love.

I was confused when He brought me to places of tears and sorrow, but He was using those too. He keeps showing me how much I need Him.

In those rare moments, when I briefly stop looking at myself, He tells me “Look! Look at all that I am! All that I have to offer you! Delight is yours! I’m continuously holding it out to you!”

It was me, who was blindly choosing not to be delighted.

So while I continue to struggle with my temperamental blindness, there’s a part of me that knows, without a doubt, that God is true to His promises. He has been, and He will keep delighting His child. Even when she wants a big show or an emotional high, He will keep quietly whispering things in her ear. And she will have to keep leaning in, and He will give her the desires of her heart, ones that she may not have known she even wanted.  

“Then the Almighty will be your gold
    and your precious silver.
   For then you will delight yourself in the Almighty
    and lift up your face to God.” Job 22:25-26